FNORD Winners!

One hundred twenty-three years ago, Joshua Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, died in his imperial capital of San Francisco, apparently of apoplexy. Norton had been born a humble rice trader until he lost his fortune and went insane. Most people would have given up then and there, but our late Emperor leveraged his insanity to become the head of two-thirds of the North American continent. He requested that the San Francisco Bulletin print a note stating that he had ascended to the position of Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico "at the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States" and for whatever reason, the Bulletin did so. Norton assumed dictatorial power when he fired all the members of Congress for refusing to meet with him in the San Francisco Music Hall as he requested. For the next twenty years, with an unchallenged hand, Norton ruled over his Empire wisely and well.

How wisely? Take this decree of 1869: "Being desirous of allaying the dissension's of party strife now existing within our realm, we do hereby dissolve and abolish the Democratic and Republican parties, and also do hereby decree the disfranchisement and imprisonment, for not more than ten, nor less than five years, to all persons leading to any violation of this our imperial decree." Smart, smart man. He proposed a League of Nations forty years before Wilson and a hundred thirty years before Hanson. He convinced printers to make "Norton Bonds" at their own expense, and for whatever reason they became practically legal tender in the city of San Francisco. He convinced tailors to give him free imperial regalia. He even stopped an ethnic riot by certain anti-Chinese bigots in the city by his mere Imperial presence.

Emperor Norton had serious correspondences by mail with Abraham Lincoln and Queen Victoria. He was a friend of Mark Twain, who wrote the obituary for his dog (who received a public state funeral) and is considered the basis for his character "the King" in Huckleberry Finn. He also made cameo appearances in the work of Robert Louis Stevenson and Herbert Ashbery, and the Discordian religion (fnord!) considers him the Goddess' Only Begotten Son.

Emperor Norton is considered by many micropatriologists to be the founder of micronationalism, and while there were certainly differences between his variety and our variety, our debt to him is obvious and profound.

Thus I am honored, on this one hundred twenty third anniversary of his death, to be able to present the First Annual Fantasy-Simulated Norton Awards. Here are nine people who have lived up to the example of crazy genius that Norton pioneered, and who have incidentally also made the micronational world a much better, or at least more interesting place.

The envelope, please.

For "Best Micronational Website", we have a tie between Chairman Dafydd Young of Baracao, for <a href="http://www.baracao.tk,">www.baracao.tk,</a> and Emperor Mi'kel Tzion of Attera, for www.attera.org. Both sites are attractive, informative, and useful. The FNORD committee congratulates both of them on their victories.

For "Best Micronational Forum", in case the outcome was ever in doubt, we have Chairman Dafydd Young of Baracao, whose constant tweaking and additions to <a href="http://pub25.ezboard.com/bbaracao">pub25.ezboard.com/bbaracao</a> has made it far and away the most aesthetically appealing message board on Micras. Congratulations Dafydd.

For "Greatest Contributions To Micropatriology", the FNORD committee would like to recognize General Steven Foong of Morovia, who singlehandedly revived the study with the creation of the MRC and publication of highly professional papers on topics like the economy. General Foong has since done a number of things that unfortunately were too late to be able to qualify him for awards, but is all around a wonderful person.

The prize for "Greatest Contributions To Micronational Culture" is another tie, with two religious leaders splitting the glory. Cardinal James Murphy, although now apparently retired from the Church to serve as King of Hanover, is responsible for the Apostolic Communion, Micras' foremost Christian church and a well-developed, fascinating entity in its own right. Sharing the prize with Murphy is Ard-Baron Eoin Dornan, who over the past eight months has built up the Treesian Church both in size, with it now being a massive multinational organization with clergymen from all over the world, and in culture, writing literally hundreds of myths of the Treesian gods and heros. Congratulations to the two Irish guys!

For "Most Insane Micronationalist", the committee is forced to recognize the overwhelming contributions of Yuri Andropov to the field. Whether it's lying about nothing in particular, openly trying to convince people that he's an evil plotter out to destroy them, creating new words in bizarrely strung together quotations, or creating odd twisted rationales for things he obviously did while drunk, no one compares to our beloved KOBA. Incidentally, Mr. Andropov is now pursuing a degree in nuclear physics. One wonders.

The "Most Likeable Micronationalist" this year is everyone's favorite Finnish dolphin, Ari Rahikkala, who always has witty remark to defuse any conflict, or, if not, can at least post irrelevant lyrics to it. No one except Ari could have ever managed the herculean task of unifying all of the great micronational bars, but he did it and did it so well that the closure of the G. U. B. is still looked back on with sorrow...AND ANGER...but mostly sorrow. Congratulations to Mr. Rahikkala, for showing us that "there is no enemy, anywhere"

The Norton Peace Prize goes to two people who, despite not getting along with one another to put it lightly, have both made very significant contributions to the same field. Emperor Mi'kel Tzion of Attera conceived of and ran the Scheheradze Convention, Micras' answer to Geneva, which has banned some of the more pernicious forms of weaponry and pushed for strong guidelines restricting warfare to ethically acceptable forms. The second Peace Prize goes to Harvey Steffke, for his creation of the AEGIS Protocol, a strategy that vastly increases the ability of micronations to defend themselves nonviolently. Congratulations to both winners, and send all angry protests about the choices to the FNORD Committee Headquarters at...

Finally, we have the greatest prize that our region of micronationalism is privileged to be able to give. The Odlum Award For Total Individual Achievement was named for Secretary-General Shane Odlum, the founder and leader of Blackrock for eight months in which it led the micronational world in virtually every category. Our award tonight is a UNANIMOUS choice, and it goes to an old friend of Shane's who resembles him in some very spooky ways. This is someone who has been making an immeasurable contribution to micronationalism for nearly three years, who has led a prosperous nation and a successful organization and who has made friends with nearly all of us. I am proud to present the Odlum Award For Total Individual Achievement to my good friend and MCS Co-Chair, Erik Metzler. Congratulations!

Before I close this ceremony, I would like to thank the other members of the FNORD Committee. Abbas Namvari, Babkhan Foreign Minister and editor of the Avey Rastakhiz. Liam Sinclair (aka. Ras Noseworthy), Prime Minister of Attera and editor of the Micronational Free Press. Sir Iain de Vembria, Chancellor of Treesia and head of the Micronational News Network. And last but not lease, Antonio Vitores Ramon, Minister of Citizens' Affairs in Baracao and editor of the Vanguardia. Despite their vastly different backgrounds, everyone was able to work together closely and I think everyone is happy with the final results. Virtually every one of these people deserved at least one of these awards, and it is unfortunate that they were disqualified from the competition due to sitting on the judging panel.

And finally, I would like to close with the mandatory Thanking of Everyone Else. There were only a very few awards we could give away, and there were so many micronationalists who have put so much time and effort into all of these categories. The Committee would like to thank every one of you for your contributions, which perhaps we were just too ignorant to be aware of.

Happy Emperor Norton Day, everyone!

"Whereof one cannot speak, there must one keep silent" Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Ludwig Wittgenstein